Thanks to April Fool’s Day, Privateer Press introduced a new Hordes faction. In keeping with the spirit of the Uniherd and Rainbo, I proposed that Peeps be included as minions for this finest of new factions. And with a first warlock that looks like this, why not?
However, PPS_Alex refuted my suggestion with the following:
Since you don’t understand….
Peeps are INDESTRUCTABLE.
Once, long ago — it was after the Before Time — at the Old New Place, the Privateer Press production department decided to celebrate the spring holidays of Easter and Ostara and whatsuch in a proper way for a band of buccaneers: with unspeakable violence. Thus, we decided to hold a contest between packing, casting, and moldmaking to see who could come up with the most gruesome Peep death, and install the savaged Peep corpses into shadow boxes for display.
Peeps were stabbed with X-acto knives. Peeps were smashed in (cold) vulcanizers. Peeps met many unfortunate fates. We in casting, though, looked upon this contest, and laughed. For, truly, what could the other teams bring that would even approach the Peep destroying fury of MOLTEN PEWTER. This was going to be a slam-dunk victory for us.
We received our sacrificial Peep, and gathered around a casting table. As the then-Caster Prime, it was my honor to unleash the burning melty death upon this hapless Peep. All leaned in, hungry with anticipation, as I drew forth a ladle of the hottest metal from the crucible, and poured it upon the doomed Peep.
The metal rolled off the Peep like the proverbial water off the duck. It lay there, unconcerned, unsinged, UNBROWNED as we stared in horror. Even another ladle full of pewter applied again accomplished little more, carmelizing a bit of its sugar coating, but certainly not breaching its yellow surface, to say nothing of the complete lack of Peep destruction. If you were to walk in upon that moment, it looked as though had done nothing more than pour the pewter upon the table, and rested the Peep atop it as it cooled, unfazed.
Fear the Peep, for it fears not the molten pewter.
Naturally, I needed to make some forum banners to celebrate the Sparklepocalypse and the indestructible nature of Peeps.
Check back in this space for Peeps Vivisection Theater, in which the difference between “normal” Peeps and chocolate-covered Peeps are compared. We’ll also attempt to see how Peeps deal with explosives. 🙂